Baby #8
I wasn't going to post this - but in case anyone wonders if life matters at a teeny tiny, pre-heartbeat level, it does.
1/24/19
Dear Baby #8,
How clinical that sounds. Like your little life is just a number. Truth is you are a tiny little bean right now and we don't know if you are a boy or a girl so for now that will have to work. Think of it more as a testament to joining a family that is overflowing with people to love you. It's loud here too.
January 16th your Daddy and I were running some errands, out and about. I told him there was a chance I may have you inside of me. He went to two different stores so I could run in for a pregnancy test while the other seven waited in the car with him. My heart was beating fast, but I thought it may be a fluke.
Turns out it wasn't. I went home, snuck off to take the test and then came back to get everyone else ready for bed. My hands were shaking a bit. I kept sneaking away to check the results. When I saw the two pink lines I had to finish bed time without giving away my secret.
Finally I got to tell Daddy. Guess what, you're going to be a daddy! He said, as he always does, that we will be cautiously optimistic. We know the pain of losing little ones too soon. Two of your siblings are waiting for us in heaven already. So here we sit, cautiously optimistic.
The idea of being a mom of eight seems big. But God has helped me be an imperfect mom of seven, so I think eight is doable. I just pray that you always know you are delighted in and treasured. You are a gift and we will honor that the best we can.
Love you little one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2/7/19
Hi Baby Bean,
I saw your little body today! Oh my, how crazy cool that at 6w6d I can see your outline and the beat of a heart. I can't handle how awesome that is! I adore you already. There is only one of you in there. Grandma had a dream that I was having twins - she was wrong. You are due on September 27th...so will likely arrive in October.
Love you little one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2/11/19
Baby,
Love, you are giving me quite the scare. Last night I started bleeding some so we went back to the Doctor today. He saw you on the ultrasound screen and I could not have been more overjoyed to see your little shape. But Baby, you have to tell your heartbeat to go a little faster. 98 isn't fast enough and he is concerned we might lose you. I don't want to lose you. I'll see you again on Thursday...hang in there little one.
We are praying for you!
~~~~~~~~~
2/23/19
We went back for the follow up ultrasound on Thursday, February 14th and the doctor could no longer find a heartbeat. At this point it was the result that I expected and although I wasn't surprised, it was still very sad. One day I might write about miscarriages more in depth, although I think I have before. It is never easy, there are so many emotions and conflicting thought processes. It's difficult. But I do believe that God is good so as Aaron said last night, when I am done reeling, I won't have done any irreparable damage.
See you someday little one!
1/24/19
Dear Baby #8,
How clinical that sounds. Like your little life is just a number. Truth is you are a tiny little bean right now and we don't know if you are a boy or a girl so for now that will have to work. Think of it more as a testament to joining a family that is overflowing with people to love you. It's loud here too.
January 16th your Daddy and I were running some errands, out and about. I told him there was a chance I may have you inside of me. He went to two different stores so I could run in for a pregnancy test while the other seven waited in the car with him. My heart was beating fast, but I thought it may be a fluke.
Turns out it wasn't. I went home, snuck off to take the test and then came back to get everyone else ready for bed. My hands were shaking a bit. I kept sneaking away to check the results. When I saw the two pink lines I had to finish bed time without giving away my secret.
Finally I got to tell Daddy. Guess what, you're going to be a daddy! He said, as he always does, that we will be cautiously optimistic. We know the pain of losing little ones too soon. Two of your siblings are waiting for us in heaven already. So here we sit, cautiously optimistic.
The idea of being a mom of eight seems big. But God has helped me be an imperfect mom of seven, so I think eight is doable. I just pray that you always know you are delighted in and treasured. You are a gift and we will honor that the best we can.
Love you little one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2/7/19
Hi Baby Bean,
I saw your little body today! Oh my, how crazy cool that at 6w6d I can see your outline and the beat of a heart. I can't handle how awesome that is! I adore you already. There is only one of you in there. Grandma had a dream that I was having twins - she was wrong. You are due on September 27th...so will likely arrive in October.
Love you little one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2/11/19
Baby,
Love, you are giving me quite the scare. Last night I started bleeding some so we went back to the Doctor today. He saw you on the ultrasound screen and I could not have been more overjoyed to see your little shape. But Baby, you have to tell your heartbeat to go a little faster. 98 isn't fast enough and he is concerned we might lose you. I don't want to lose you. I'll see you again on Thursday...hang in there little one.
We are praying for you!
~~~~~~~~~
2/23/19
We went back for the follow up ultrasound on Thursday, February 14th and the doctor could no longer find a heartbeat. At this point it was the result that I expected and although I wasn't surprised, it was still very sad. One day I might write about miscarriages more in depth, although I think I have before. It is never easy, there are so many emotions and conflicting thought processes. It's difficult. But I do believe that God is good so as Aaron said last night, when I am done reeling, I won't have done any irreparable damage.
See you someday little one!
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